Alexandre Desplat (The Painted Veil) – Best Original Score
HFPA: We’re telling you, this guy is the next John Williams.
AMPAS: That’s all well and good, but we haven’t seen this.
Nicole Kidman (To Die For) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy
HFPA: Hilarious. Sassy. This was a role made for us.
AMPAS: Nicole Kidman? Tom Cruise’s missus? Not exactly Virginia Woolf is she.
Michael Caine (Little Voice) – Best Actor Motion Picture Musical or Comedy
HFPA: We’re not sure if Michael Caine has ever been this funny. Delightful.
AMPAS: Yeah, we don’t really see Caine as funny. Prefer his more serious roles.
Almost Famous – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy
HFPA: About music. Funny. Smart. Easy decision.
AMPAS: We’re almost there with Cameron Crowe. Let’s see where he goes in the next 10 years first.
Ben Affleck (Argo) – Best Director
HFPA: You fucking snubbed him, so we’ve teamed up with everyone to make him feel loved.
AMPAS: Come on, loads of of us voted for Benh.
Miranda Richardson (Enchanted April) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy
HFPA: Exquisite. Lovely film, Richardson holds her own here. Having a great 1992.
AMPAS: Is this the one where Jeremy Irons cheats on her or that Irish one?
Walk the Line – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy
HFPA: Great musical. Well, about music. A drama about music. A drama. What have we done.
AMPAS: Look, if it is a comedy, we didn’t laugh once. Reese Witherspoon was spunky though. We liked that.