Welcome to the Golden Globes once again. The awards season party hosted by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. That incorporate musical and comedy into their awards, not the actual show like the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
The following 21 Golden Globes winners, many of them glorious, one or two dubious, not only did not go on to win at the Oscars, they were not – gasp – even nominated. Let this, then, serve as a timely reminder, that although the HFPA are often made a mockery of with some of their choices and categorizations, they do know how to honor many of the corners of cinema that can get left out in the cold elsewhere. No offence AMPAS.
Before you enjoy tonight’s Golden Globes show, take a look at the choices below and the exchanges hopefully giving some insight – in no particular order:
Kitaro (Heaven & Earth) – Best Original Score, 1992
Hollywood Foreign Press Association: We love this music, simple as that. And like throwing curve balls in this category. Just listen to it without agenda.
Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: No thank you. After Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July we’re having a break from war. Oooh Schindler’s List is out.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 2008
HFPA: Quite a deeper human relationships story from Woody Allen, but he’s know for being funny mostly.
AMPAS: Woody Allen? Oooh, is there another juicy supporting role by any chance?
Jim Carrey (Man on the Moon) – Best Actor Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1999
HFPA: Once again this comic guy proves his worth in making us laugh and cry.
AMPAS: We’re not interested in anyone who behaves in that manner over pets and Cameron Diaz.
Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor (About Schmidt) – Best Screenplay, 2002
HFPA: Fine writing indeed, this Payne / Taylor combo certainly has a future.
AMPAS: And that shall be when we honor them.
Madonna (Evita) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1996
HFPA: This is a musical, and Madonna is the actress in the lead. Our favorite this year. This is our bread and butter.
AMPAS: What is this? 1950s? Plus, she’s a pop star, not an actress. We must not love you.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Nocturnal Animals) – Best Supporting Actor, 2016
HFPA: Shit, we ticked the wrong Nocturnal Animals fella.
AMPAS: He was good, but he is no Michael Shannon.
Barbra Streisand (Yentl) – Best Director, 1983
HFPA: What a transition to filmmaking by this multi-talented woman.
AMPAS: Oh, so women are directors now? Since when?
Tim Robbins (The Player) – Best Actor Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1992
HFPA: The comedy is dark, sure, but this is Altman. Robbins is inch-perfect – utterly deserved.
AMPAS: Sure, this is Altman, we’ll take the bait, but Robbins is making us look bad. We’ll take him seriously when he, I don’t know, gets betrayed by Marcia Gay Harden and Sean Penn.
Kate Winslet (Revolutionary Road) – Best Actress Drama, 2008
HFPA: Pretty much owns the film. Fuck it, we’re going to give her Best Supporting Actress too for that war drama.
AMPAS: Look, she’s not getting two, forget it. She picks one – campaigns, category fraud, whatever – but she’s not getting two.
Alexandre Desplat (The Painted Veil) – Best Original Score, 2006
HFPA: We’re telling you, this guy is the next John Williams. Many more nominations to come.
AMPAS: Please, this is just too obscure. And that’s all well and good, but we haven’t seen this.
Nicole Kidman (To Die For) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1995
HFPA: Hilarious. Sassy. This was a role made for us.
AMPAS: Nicole Kidman? Tom Cruise’s missus? You’re telling us she can-can act? Not exactly Virginia Woolf is she.
Michael Caine (Little Voice) – Best Actor Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1998
HFPA: We’re not sure if Michael Caine has ever been this funny. Delightful.
AMPAS: Yeah, we don’t really see Caine as funny. Prefer his more serious roles. But we’ll honour him next time.
Almost Famous – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 2000
HFPA: About music. Funny. Smart. Easy decision.
AMPAS: We’re almost there with Cameron Crowe. Let’s see where he goes in the next 10 years or so first. Did you see Chocolat?
Ben Affleck (Argo) – Best Director, 2012
HFPA: You fucking snubbed him, so we’ve teamed up with every awards body still yet to vote to make him feel loved.
AMPAS: Look, we’ve recounted, and we can assure you loads of us voted for Benh. Would Best Picture heal those wounds?
Miranda Richardson (Enchanted April) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1992
HFPA: Exquisite. Lovely film, Richardson holds her own here. Having a great 1992.
AMPAS: Is this the one where Jeremy Irons cheats on her with Juliette Binoche or that Irish one?
Walk the Line – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 2005
HFPA: Great musical. Well, it’s about music. More of a drama about music. A flat out drama. What have we done?
AMPAS: Look, if it is a comedy, we didn’t laugh once. Reese Witherspoon was spunky though. We liked that she dropped the comedy – good for her.
Burkhard Dallwitz, Philip Glass (The Truman Show) – Best Original Score, 1998
HFPA: Terrific, mood-inducing collaboration from both musicians. We don’t care if some of that score has been used elsewhere before.
AMPAS: We’re not going to go mad with this one. The music is not very warry or Elizabethiany. We nominated the guy who plays Truman and the movie though, right?
Dreamgirls – Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 2006
HFPA: As lavish and gorgeous a musical as you will see all year. Sold. Can’t wait to watch it again.
AMPAS: We’re sold too. We will vote in all the lavish, gorgeous, musical categories. We might even pile on the votes for a singer doing acting. But only one of them. Oooh, what’s this we’re reading about Eddie Murphy?
Scott Alexander, Larry Karaszewski (The People vs Larry Flynt) – Best Screenplay, 1996
HFPA: Milos Forman knows how to work a screenplay. Fuck it, we’ll give him Best Director too.
AMPAS: Yeah we love Forman, we’re in. But that script, pretty dirty stuff.
Robin Williams (Mrs. Doubtfire) – Best Actor Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 1993
HFPA: Was he the king of comedy? I mean, this was hilarious.
AMPAS: We have a clause in our voting that says only vote for Robin Williams for his dramatic roles. Sorry.
Sally Hawkins (Happy-Go-Lucky) – Best Actress Motion Picture Musical or Comedy, 2008
HFPA: Nobody does bleak comedy like Mike Leigh. And Sally Hawkins is outstanding. Has she ever even been to an awards show? Bless her.
AMPAS: We like Mike Leigh too. But if we can’t nominate David Thewlis, or give Brenda Blethyn the Oscar, we’re not going for this. Wouldn’t be fair.
The Jim Carrey snub is especially hard to swallow. Butt also I still don’t know how Oscar voters ignored the wonderful Aaron Taylor-Johnson for Nocturnal Animals.