I’m not going to angrily rant about the concept of two such beloved heroes fighting each other. Nor will I delve into the whole publicity, word-of-mouth, and other such nonsense regarding the movie Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I knew it wasn’t great going into it back in 2016, and recently decided to put myself through it again – the extended three hour version I might add.
I’m not going to lie, I don’t hate this movie. In fact, I haven’t laughed so much during actually comedies. Plus, there are some pretty dazzling visuals and set-pieces to behold. However, without further angerball antics, here is a regurgitated list of 100 points as to why this movie was just not the classic some thought it might be. Some spoilers ahead. Prepare yourselves. In chronological order…
1. The opening scene, the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents, tries to rip off and outshine both Tim Burton (pearls) and Christopher Nolan (bat hole).
2. The seemingly possessed Wayne kid is levitated by the swirling bats. Looks like fun in all honesty.
3. We first see adult Bruce Wayne amidst a pointless Independence Day / War of the Worlds-style action sequence. I just…
4. It is apparent very early on that a lot of money has been wasted on this kind of shit.
5. Are we really supposed to care about the old guy in the building about to meet his maker?
6. Wayne drags a little girl from a huge piece of falling debris, which was not even going to hit her anyway.
7. The discovery of kryptonite scene lacks any impact. I thought we had cut to commercials for a second.
8. The scene introducing Lois Lane is an insult to Zero Dark Thirty. You wish, Snyder.
9. Gotham City has a rather bad tempered football team.
10. Batman lurking up between the wall and the ceiling was fucking creepy as hell. And not in a good way.
11. The bat symbol imprint on any given criminal’s body is a tad serial killerish. Grievous bodily harm at least.
12. It dawns on you many times why such a well-respected actress like Amy Adams would do this movie. There is no justice.
13. Ben Affleck’s Bruce Wayne appears too much asshole too early on.
14. The talented Jeremy Irons can shamefully cross off “playing Alfred” from his bucket list. And he is not in the movie enough.
15. On entry, Lex Luther seems about as villainous as Mark Zuckerberg in an 80s rom-com.
16. The Kahina Ziri subplot is meant to be emotively political, but is only awkward and forgettable. One of a few black characters on the outskirts.
17. The police tell the vandal to get down from the statue as he begins, but somehow is allowed to write quite a bit as we cut to the next scene.
18. The sarcastic Daily Planet editor-in-chief seems to think he is Peter Parker’s boss instead.
19. The first Bruce Wayne dream sequence is ridiculously laughable. Is that a giant vampire bat?
20. Luther’s oddness often comes across as Eisenberg’s boredom.
